Hey, hey, hey! I’m still here, Alhamdulillah!
To say 2020 is a tough one would be an understatement. However, I firmly believe every challenge comes with opportunities. And, 2020 has and still is making me realize this even more.
With the COVID-19 pandemic, we all found our lives changed in an instant. We’ve tragically lost colleagues, friends, and loved ones, too. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon. Indeed, to God we belong and to Him is our return. Sadly, the crisis is far from over. However, reflecting on the past six months of this year, I realized that the pandemic had me growing, too—perhaps even more…
Protecting Boundaries
Admittedly, I felt like staying at home and limiting contact with the outside world wasn’t going to be a challenge given my introverted nature. Then again, I forgot that not everyone was like me—in fact, I was the only introvert at home! 😆 There were a lot of moments I felt drained and wondering how long this setup will last. It’s not that I do not appreciate the people around me; I do. It is just normal for everyone to need time and space alone—something that’s a natural part of nurturing the soul. Finally, I realized it wasn’t enough to be patient with our current situation by just accepting it as it is. After all, who knows when this pandemic will end? Patience also meant making the necessary adjustments to make things work…adjustments to protect boundaries.
In our case, schedules and minor rearrangement of our physical space helped a lot. Having a schedule helps others know when you are busy with something in particular at a given time and when you can be engaged in something else that’s part of their own programs. While we do have rooms of our own, I often didn’t want to close our room’s door during the day to not make vulnerable family members feel like they are alone or unwanted. I mean, the sudden enforcement of quarantines and social distancing is already affecting the mental health of people; I just felt like the last thing I wanted to do was make loved ones feel isolated even more. To make things easier for me, however, my husband rearranged our room furniture in a way that I am still not automatically seen when someone passes by. This gave me a sense of privacy and also prevented me from getting distracted when I needed to work on something as part of my ‘me’ time. Yes, I still found our little one going in and out of the room, but since there was a schedule for me and for her, she was able to adjust, too. In fact, there are times I would just sleep during my ‘me’ time and she’d be busy playing on her own or joining me in taking some ZzzZzzs.
Aside from the above changes, I learned something very important: to be more assertive. Perhaps especially given my humanitarian work exposure, putting the needs of others before mine comes naturally. However, with this on-going crisis, I’ve learned to distinguish more which are real needs and not, which should be prioritized and not. Something we all have to remember: Schedules and changes in our physical setting help protect boundaries; but ultimately, it will be our decision to make these work by enforcing them. I also found it easier to implement my schedule, say ‘no’ and inform others that I have work to do (when they invite or instruct me to join an activity they just suddenly decided to do), and stay in our room to focus, knowing that I am not simply implementing them for the sake of implementation but more importantly for my well-being. Like what they say, be aware and care.
Seeking Knowledge
If there’s one thing that I was able to personally accomplish much during this pandemic, it would be enrolling and actually finishing short courses online! Online courses are not new for me, but ever since I had a child, it became harder and harder to accomplish. Now, especially since our child is not as dependent as before, I was able to go back to this part of my ‘me’ time. And it’s wonderful, too, that a lot of universities are offering free certificate courses online, Alhamdulillah! I’ve always believed that there is something new for me to learn in my field (and in others) as research and discovery continues daily. It’s important to keep ourselves updated and to take advantage of available opportunities.
If ever you’re interested, just visit futurelearn.com or coursera.org, or check this list of free certificate courses here.
Adapting to Change
The pandemic also led us all to doing things online more. Way back, I only thought of taking courses online. Now, my friends and I have found ourselves offering mental health and psychosocial support talks, orientations and trainings, and individuals/group sessions online. More than ever, mental health has become an important issue. Alhamdulillah for friends and networks who share this advocacy and helped convince certain government agencies of the importance of integrating mental health care into their programs and services.
You might want to visit Islamic Mental Health for mental health resources and articles that help us reflect, recharge, and reach up even more to The Almighty.
Reflecting on the past six months, I can’t help but feel awed with the love and mercy of our All-Wise Creator. As a human, there will be moments of doubt, yes, but in shaa Allah, I will always remember how much He has shown me that there is no need to worry for He is in control. As one of my favorite quotes goes,
“Let’s see what the Master does.
Whatever he does, it is best.”
Ibrahim Hakki
HeartWork by Jane 