mixed eMOMtions

08 May

I’ve been getting a lot of mother’s day greetings, and there are a lot of ads online that promote this international observance, too. I’ve nothing against those who observe this special day–everyday after all, is a day for moms, dads and everyone we dearly love and/or include in our prayers, so if you decide to make this day special, that’s really great! What I found alarming, however, are the companies that have made this day and other observances soooo…commercialized. Boo-hoo. And, mind you, they play real well with emotions and make the viewers feel guilty. In a way, it’s good for some who might really need a wake-up call. But, generally, I feel bad how such companies play with emotions to make them and their products a “regular” in people’s lives–like it won’t be the same without them. Status symbols, social comparisons (and competition), happiness definitions, here we go. Maybe I’m being jaded today…then again, maybe I feel sad because I’ve had enough of such sights (in this developing part of  the world) as dear parents spending hard-earned money on a fastfood (UNHEALTHY) meal for their child while they stare (happily) without anything for themselves, and kids buying their parents signature bags or clothes on this special day but can’t even think of sponsoring monthly bills or medications of their dear old folks.

Setting that aside, the greetings are a nice opportunity to ponder on how it is to be a mom. Motherhood. Mommyhood. Yes, it is often not glamorous–well, at least in this life; what with laundry, diapers, messy floor, etcetera etcetera, right?  Well, I’m barely a two-year-old mother, and have so much to learn. I quickly tell those who think I’m a supermom that I’m waaay far from being one; that is, if supermom is someone who doesn’t have bouts of impatience, low self-esteem and what-have-you’s.  Yep, I’m barely two years old, but this much I know:

I am going to need more and more PATIENCE everyday. My little one is going to continue to challenge me, knowingly or unknowingly, and it’s not because she hates me, but because she needs to grow up.

I am going to re-learn what TIME MANAGEMENT is…and that pretty much includes “alone time”, especially now that I’m at a stage where I can’t even have 5 minutes of peace in the toilet when my toddler is awake. (Yes, this is being written as catharsis and while my beloved is in dreamland. Harhar.)

I am going to discover the so many ways to LOVE and BE LOVED. I know that there’s nothing in the world that makes her feel more loved now than being breastfed (What?! There’s nothing gross about that.) and a close second is the time I spend just sitting beside her as we scribble or pretend-color where you’ll see the sudden sparkle in her eyes as she giggles looking at me then puts her head on my shoulder or makes our heads touch each other. I know there’s still so much more to discover, but I also know having those little arms wrapped around my neck or leg and her head leaned on me while she delivers her “I lowe you” will always make me feel so loved. And yes, I know she will always love me and her first love–who else but her Baba–differently.

I am going to constantly change my idea of SUCCESS. Yes, having a career outside the home has, admittedly, shaped my views about this. But, now I am learning it can be as simple–yet truly fulfilling–as catching my little one ‘steal’ some of my samosas while juggling them in her hands because they’re too hot yet she just can’t wait to eat them.

I am going to discover so many FEARS within me perhaps not for me but for this fragile beloved who is a fellow sojourner in this world. But, I also believe I am going to surprise myself with the COURAGE I never even knew I had just so I can erase the fears in those little eyes staring back at me. (And this is going to include killing those flying roaches, in shaa Allah.)

I am going to learn more and more about INTERDEPENDENCE in MARRIAGE as I see my husband in a different light even more now that we are parents. Yes, Miss Independent suddenly has her ‘mommy eyes’ playing with her head and Superman just has to be there to reassure her that they will do just fine (and that falls, bumps, bruises and all those mommy nightmares are a normal part of growing up).

I am going to learn to TRUST more that, as my husband tells me, our feisty litte princess is growing up just fine. It’s amazing how this once completely dependent being doesn’t even want her hand to be held now that she’s discovered how far and how fast her two little feet can go.

And, yes, I am going to have to increase and deepen my FAITH to be able to attain all of the above, and most especially, to do two of the most difficult things I can ever think of for anyone in any loving relationship (and especially for parents): to hang on and to let go…always for the sake of The Most Loving One Who, Alhamdulillah, mercifully gave me this chance to be a mom.

Difficult? Yes, definitely…but with HIM, it will always be possible. In shaa Allah.

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Posted by on May 8, 2017 in I + You = WE


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