Day Four of this Blessed Month, and I’m re-learning so much.
Goal Tweaking. I’ve tweaked my Ramadan goals after realizing some are not actually doable for someone like me who’s just beginning to have a more regular relationship with Arabic (i.e, daily reading practice on my own). Reading is one thing–and I’d have to say I still get some letters mixed up and I am not even sure if I am pronouncing them correctly; understanding is another. Understanding. It’s this part that makes me frustrated with my situation at times. It’s a blessing to find translations for most but then there are some which I can’t find, and it honestly feels kind of pointless to utter a prayer I don’t even understand. It makes me appreciate the existence of someones-like-me-in-the-world who help me understand things better. Still, I’m happy I can find it in me to continue on my own, Alhamdulillah…and continue throughout this month and beyond, I will, in shaa Allah.
Hibernating. Deactivating my Facebook account and going online on Viber only when necessary has helped me work on some of my goals. It’s funny how the first few days before Ramadan turned out to be tougher than expected–going offline yet suddenly getting a surge of calls and SMS from them. Brotherly? It makes me realize that this hijab does not exactly prevent sisters much from getting attention when the people involved do not fully understand and respect the meaning of hijab. I keep forgetting I’m in a predominantly non-Muslim community. It also reminds me that it probably isn’t always true that men have a tougher time avoiding fitna because seriously, men naturally do the courting (or hunting, if you will) and women are often left with having to deal with what these men do. A training on assertiveness for me as well. And just to be safe, I’m sticking to the same goal I had last year: to not just protect my intentions but also help others keep the right intentions through lesser interactions. In shaa ALLAH.
Fasting. Aside from fasting from online presence and food & water this Ramadan, I am trying my best to fast from negativity. A month of great training for the soul, mashaAllah. Considering Satan and all his allies are chained this month, any negativity could only come from our own selves–from our evil-commanding souls. And, I know it may take some time for me to train myself to respond–not react–to people who constantly test me, but with HIM, I will make it. In shaa ALLAH.
Feasting. It’s a month of not just fasting, really. It’s a month to feast on performing prayers, supplicating, remembering ALLAH, Qur’an reading, increasing knowledge, giving back to the community–especially to the less fortunate, and renewing ties with family and friends. It’s a month to give and ask forgiveness, increase and protect our sincerity, and do all things with excellence–all for The Most Merciful’s sake. It’s indeed a month to feast on all the blessings HE has made available around and within us…and for us to become better servants, in shaa ALLAH.
When I think of it, this year’s main theme for me is all about patience–patience to pursue my goals, patience to deal with others the best way I can, patience to perform my religious duties the best way possible, and patience to see life and everything & everyone in it always as a blessing. Difficult, you think? Maybe…but with ALLAH, nothing is indeed impossible.